Ask Aunt Myrtle

Students have asked many questions over the years. Here are a sample of some very common questions which students have asked. This is a VERY long page. The first half are general questions about life, the last half are questions about Joey and Mikey.

Scroll through, have fun, and if you would like to ask a question please email.

Many of you asked specific questions about how to help a friend or loved one or a boyfriend or girlfriend who is using alcohol, or other kinds of drugs, or smoking cigarettes, or you're concerned about a friends eating disordered behavior.
First of all, you need to get support for yourself, like I talked about in the discussion. When I was getting ready to face my husband's alcoholism I needed some loving and supportive friends and groups and a counselor around me. This kind of thing can be very difficult, challenging, emotional and rewarding. Then I recommend trying this formula.

There is a great FORMULA that I have used. It is from a wonderful book called Getting them Sober by Toby Rice Drews. it is very easy book to read. And the formula works for all kinds of unhealthy behaviors; smoking, drinking, doing any kind o illegal substance. The chapters are very short and the suggestions are very practical. Your school or community might even have it in the library.
Here's my adaptation of the formula I learned from that book.
I care about you. (Let the person know you love them)
I feel __________________________________. (let them know what you're feeling)
I see _______________________________. (describe what you see happening to them)
What's up... LISTEN LISTEN LISTEN...
I'd like _______________________________. (explain what you'd like to see happen)
I will ______________. (let them know what you're willing to do.. don't make a threat unless you mean it)

You fill in the blanks with the appropriate information.

So an example might be; I love you lots, you're my best friend.I feel worried . I see you smoking more and more. You used to just bum cigarettes from other people, but now you always have your own pack with you. I've noticed you get really winded at soccer practice. And you've been talking about headaches. What's going on. (Then give them a chance to talk... LISTEN TO THEM...DON'T JUDGE OR INTERRUPT) Then you ask for what you need. For example you might say; I'd like you to stop. I will help in any way I can.

A person wrote. I have a cousin who does drugs and I want to help her. But my parents are afraid I'll get hut by her if I try to help her. What should I do? OBEY YOUR PARENTS.

Are your for real? Asked one student. NO. I'M ONE OF THE MANY MYRTLE-BOTS THAT TRAVEL THE NATION... RETURNING TO MINNESOTA ONLY TO WASH MY BLACK TIGHTS AND RESTOCK THE corn.  

A student wanted to know.. Have you given any people the power to stop using drugs. The power is inside each of you. You have that I can't give it to you you because it's already yours.

Can you overdose on sauerkraut or corn? Not if you're over 21 and use moderately.

A student asked, WHAT ARE YOU ON? Of course you're joking. But I'm going to give you a serious answer to this. I'm not on anything. Most mornings I get at about 5:00 am so that I can get to the schools and be ready to work by 6:30. I could not be hung over or high and get up and function that early in the morning. And I could never be high and remember the lines and all the information that I have to retain in order to present a day of programs. Oh and speaking of which, I could never do as many as three programs a day talking and performing for 6 hours and smoke anything because it would harm my vocal chords and my lungs would not have enough capacity to sustain the intense level of physical activity.

When I'm not on the road, I'm in my office. I run the business. I'm responsible for all the finances. And I cant afford to take time out to nurse hangovers, or to be sick with a prolonged cold because of smoking.

I love my job. I earn a good living. And I love working with the wonderful counselors and teachers and having the privilege of meeting and talking with young people form all over the Midwest.
I suppose if I wanted a dead-end boring job that didn't require ability to remember things or expend energy, one with no people contact or communication skills, one that was repetitive, low paying meaningless band boring I could do drugs. NO I'M NOT ON ANYTHING. I have a life instead.

Is skate boarding a crime? Not if you don't exceed the posted speed limit.

How many cans of corn does it take to get high? The longer you use the more it takes. That's called tolerance and it is a characteristic of all addictive substances. ;-0

Do they make sauercorn in kegs. I wish. I estimate that I have gone through at least 1000 pounds of it since we started working on this program. If it came in kegs it would be cheaper. Just like drugs corn will drain you dry financially.

How many bowls of sugar do you have a day. There are students who say ...You are so hyper. Yes I am. In fact I have been assessed as having ADHD. So here's the good news. If you've been assessed with this and have an excess of energy like I do, you will have the Get up and go to accomplish much in your life, and you'll have to work at focusing and being calm.

What should you do if your friends smoke and you want to but you know it's not right? Hold on to what you know is right. I know this is tough. but better you should pay the price now by being weird or different according to them, than having to pay on the other end by becoming addicted and paying thousands of dollars for cigarettes over the course of a lifetime, and, giving up all the other things that happen health wise... hold on stand firm on this.

Who helped you write the plays? My husband. He a wonderful writer and actor.

Why do people do drugs?  Lots of reasons. To fit in. To escape life. To rebel. To create an image for themselves. And all of these things are healthy and normal desires. I encourage people to find ways to achieve these objectives without hurting themselves or others.

How did I produce the play? Cool question. Paul and I wrote for a year and saved our money. I hired a director and a choreographer to add dance and movement, I hired a musician to score the music and play it in the studio. I booked a studio and brought all the artists together. I booked a space for rehearsal. And then I worked for the entire summer putting the pieces together with my husband and business partner, Paul.

How did I feel when I first started doing plays in front of people? Scared and excited. It is a great adrenaline rush. And as I got better at it it became even more fun . This is a great way to build self esteem. Try something you're really into.

How can I get my family to quit smoking and drinking. See the formula...at the beginning of the page

Are you nuts? Sometimes I feel a little nuts. Especially when I'm tired or depressed. But then it passes and I'm just plain crazy. ;-)

What affects your body more alcohol or nicotine. Great question. It's a toss-up. Meaning, they both have negative affects on your body and both are physically addictive.For something to qualify as being physically addictive that means;
1) Your body more and more and more of it in order to achieve the desired affect
2) There are withdrawal symptoms
3) The body doesn't feel normal without the drug.

How do you help a friend stay off drugs? Only your friend can keep themselves off drugs. But you can support them in their efforts... ask them what they dream doing or being with the rest of their life. What do they want. As them if the action that they are considering will bring them closer to fulfilling that dream. And if it won't, ask them where it will take them. Don't judge them. And only give advice if they ask you for it. Simply ask lots of questions to get them thinking.
What kind of long term affects does weed have on you besides hurting your lungs. It affects attitude and motivation. So many people who become dependent on this drug place more focus on being high than they do on; work, family, relationship, school, friendships, emotional or physical health. They wind up replacing experiencing life fully with preoccupation of when they can get high again.

Another student wrote, " My dad does pot, and I don't want to believe it. I'm scared for him. It is frightening when somebody we love gets caught up in using a psychoactive (that means it affects brain function) drug like pot. Please get some support for yourself. Remember how I said when I was worried about my husband I got help for myself first. Do that. Talk to an adult whom you trust. Talk to friends. Then, if you choose to do so, talk to your Dad about being worried and how you've feeling. Sometimes people who are dependent on a substance will minimize our concerns and tell us not to worry. This is because they don't want to give up using. Don't worry. This doesn't mean they didn't hear you, or that they don't love you. And then the very best thing that you can do for your dad, is not to use yourself. This way you won't pass it on to your children, or friends, or family members.

Why do most people care about their looks. And how can you see through yourself. Another student asked, WHy do some people think they're better than others? Ok... here goes... I think people care about their looks for a number of reasons; Looking a certain way gives a person a feeling of identity and self worth. It has to do with image. We all work on our image we want our outside to reflect an idea of who we'd like to be, or more hopefully, who we are. I think that creating your image is a healthy thing. What is sad to me is how some people get so occupied with looking a certain way to be accepted by others. And it is not just young people who do this. Adults do this too. They're looking for status and acceptance. They do this by setting standards for themselves and then in order to feel ok about themselves they put people down who don't meet those standards. It gives them a feeling of self worth, and superiority. This comes from not being comfortable or secure with yourself just for yourself. I recommend asking yourself very serious questions about who am I really. Ask questions like what is important to me, what do I value. What makes me feel totally alive. And ask yourself silly questions like; Am I more like a butter or parkay... Am I more like a placid lake or a rushing dangerous run of rapids... Am I more like a song or a symphony... Am I more like a kitchen or a bathroom.... Answers to questions both serious and silly will help you discover who you are.

Why are so many people afraid of different people, why must they feel that they can't treat them equally to their friends because they're not alike? and another asked... Why do people stereotype you for the way you look and dress? Is it just ignorance?   No not entirely. First of all. Realize that you are responsible for the image that you project. Understand that you create yourself new every day, and people are going to have a reaction or a response because of the characteristics they associate with the image you've put together. And you need to be honest with yourself too. These assumptions that they are making may be some of the very things that attracted you to creating the image and life style for yourself in the first place. So that's the first thing. Then. With regard to moving past your image. and helping yourself move past the images that other people have put together for themselves. I try to look at people as individuals not as an extension of the group I associate with the image they've created. I look into their eyes. If you look into the person's eyes you will see who they are without the trappings. Some people don't do this because it makes them feel better about who they are if they can put another person down. Some people spend a lot of time defining themselves by looking at others and saying "Well I'm not that ....... euuuuu, and I'm not that ish ..... and try to make themselves feel important or better by standing on the backs of people they hate. This power is an illusion. And "Nobody can make you feel inferior without your consent." I believe I must attribute this quote to Eleanor Roosevelt.

Why did you choose sauerkraut/corn instead of some other canned product. Because it looks gross, and it is a good vegetable to use for the analogy of spit tobacco. And because beets are too messy ;-)

How come I know so much about drugs? I went to school, to high school, college and then graduate school. And then I keep up to date by studying about drugs on the internet and attending conferences and talking to the wonderful school counselors.

How did you come up with the show? From talking to young people your age, from spending time thinking about how it felt to be your age, and from my husbands life experiences and my life experiences. You see the issues of being your age are the same; wanting to belong, trying to figure out who you are. But what is different is that there are more drugs available at an earlier age.

If you just do drugs a few times will it hurt your body or life really bad like Joe. Another similar question was, If you do drugs only once or once a month or just once in a while... is it going to be bad for you. And another was.. Will it hurt you to get high once in a while? Every time you use you take a risk. You can never be really sure what it is you're getting, there no label on the joint, or the bong, or the vial. You take a chance. If you have used already, it has affected your body. But that doesn't mean you're doomed. You always have the power to choose to stop. In fact my husband who is an alcoholic chooses to be sober one day at a time.

Do you have any kids? nope. I have 30 nieces and nephews.

What kind of advice would I give to somebody who has a family member who is doing drugs? Make sure you take care of yourself to deal with the stress. It's stressful to have a family member who uses. It's stressful. Deal with the stress.

What do I do when I'm stressed out? I go for a walk. I have a good cry. I talk to a friend. I eat a good meal. I veg out in front of the TV. WHAT DO YOU ALL DO WHEN YOU'RE STRESSED OUT.. WHAT ARE SOME HEALTHY DRUG-FREE IDEAS...

When did I start doing these shows. 20 years ago I wrote my first show. It's about life in an alcoholic family, it's called Life on the Rocks.

How did the sauerkraut/corn taste? Nasty The first time I did the sauercorn scene, it made me throw-up. What is interesting to me is that not only have I become used to the taste, I even look forward to it. Even though I still don't like it. It's kind o of like what happens with drugs like alcohol, or nicotine through tobacco smoking or pot or even heroin use. You don't necessarily enjoy the administration of the drug; the taste of the way you r lungs feel when they inhale the smoke, but the body starts to tolerate and even look forward to the drug or the content. People will tolerate the needle to get the effect of the drug. I will tolerate the corn in order to achieve the effect that it has (not on me) on you. It grosses you out. It makes you think.

If my friends or family do drugs do you think I will, if I'm always around it? GREAT QUESTION. Another student asked... "Is it true that males with alcoholic fathers are more likely to become alcoholics and girls are more likely to marry one."  There is some research which supports these conclusions. But let me add that even if your family members all use drugs you still have a choice whether you actually decide to use, and whom you decide to build relationships with. You are not doomed to become an addict or an alcoholic just because your parents are. But it will mean that you may need to work hard at staying clean an sober. It will be especially important that you not use during these formative years. Most adults who report that they are addicted started using before the age of 21. This is a very vulnerable age for addictions to develop. These addictions can last a lifetime. Some people believe that alcoholism and addictive behavior runs in families and that people may even be genetically destined to develop the disease. There is still research being conducted on this and it looks as though this may be true. But no matter if it is preordained genetically or not, it takes something to trigger the addiction, and that trigger is use!

Yes, it is hard to be surrounded by friends and family who drink or take drugs and not use. But I must say here that if addictive behavior runs in your family you will need to be especially careful, your whole life. The choice is yours.

Does anybody else work with me If so who? Yes My husband and I work together. I also hire directors, choreographers, consultants, musicians,, and studio artists to create the other components of the show.

Do I get paid for this or do I volunteer. And another student asked, how much is the school paying you to do this? I get paid when I do this. My husband and I act as consultants to school systems and organizations. My husband and I travel together doing this all during the school year. There are a lot of ways that we could make money, we have chosen this. I will tell you this, we make the same amount as a teacher who has been working for several years. However we must supply our own health insurance, life insurance and pay social security and FICA ( oh well you asked). We also have to save for our retirement years and have money set aside at all times for disability in case an accident happens. Being a freelancer like us requires intelligent money management, and together we charge enough to permit us to live our lives today and prepare for our futures.

One student wrote, "I don't see drugs as so bad" Well you know what, neither did my brother Joe.

One student wrote; "I don't like myself, And when people like me I push them away because I'm scared. What should I do?"   First... this is so normal everybody goes through ups and downs with liking themselves and then being unsure even adults. And, another asked... "What are some ways that I can be more self-confident." OK let's talk about building self esteem. It's never too early to begin building self esteem. Start looking for things that cause you to feel positively about yourself; qualities, characteristics, skills. Even if all you like is that you can touch your nose with your tongue its a great place to start. Work on saying positive things to yourself. (also refer to the question about trying new things) Then, to build a friendship understand that you need to establish trust. It might help for you to spend some time figuring out what you're looking for in a friend. Once you've figured that out try taking small risks to test the "trust waters".

One student wrote; "Me and my dad get along good most of the time. But sometimes he goes of for me about something stupid. What should I do to help him not do that? Well you know what. Sometimes parents "go off" because they're under stress, and it may actually have little or even nothing to do with you. Parents lead stressful lives and they do the very best they can to be good parents, but they're not perfect. I would wait til they're cooled off and then check in with them. Let them know you're trying your best, and you get confused by what you perceive to be an overreaction. Ask them to help you understand what's going on for them.

What do you do if your friend gets mad at themselves and tries to hurt themselves. Let them know that you love them and that you're concerned and then help them get help. And remember you're not responsible for their ultimate choices. If they won't go with you to find some help, then you go and talk to somebody yourself. You're better off worrying about dealing with your friend's anger at you telling somebody than you are trying to deal with their hurting themselves or ending their lives. Find an adult whom you trust.. right now.. this minute... and talk to them!!!

Another person wrote; "I do drugs and smoke, and I'm not proud of it. I've tried to quit but nothing works. What can I do." How brave of you to have tried, and to acknowledge that you want out, and what you're trying to do to get out isn't working. THAT'S HALF THE BATTLE!!! You're half way there, and that's the good news. Now. Know this, and don't be ashamed or embarrassed, You've developed a dependency. This does not mean you're a horrible person. it simply means you may need some professional help to kick this. Go directly to your counseling office and set up an appointment to talk to one of the staffers. Like I have said, I can personally recommend at least two of your counselors. In my opinion, Central is staffed with the very best.

Do I like acting? I love it. It is the best natural high I have ever had. I recommend you finding what it is that puts you in the zone. That's the place where you lose track of time and you are fully involved with your life and what you are doing. That is what acting does for me. What non-chemical activity does that for you?

I have a best friend who does weed but I don't want my friend to die. How can I make him stop. It's so hard when somebody you love develops the habit of using a drug as a substitute for having a life. I recommend trying the formula. And I recommend getting some loving help and support for yourself. It's hard to love a person who uses. It's hard on us. Let them know you care about them, and you would prefer to have a relationship with them than with the joint they're smoking or the next hit they're going to do on the bong. The truth is when we're involved with people who are chemically dependent we're not having a relationship with the person they are we're having one with the altered state they exist in. Like with my husband when he was drinking. I wasn't having a life with Paul, I was having a relationship with a can of beer. He was drunk so much that when I talked to him the alcohol would answer.

My brother smokes how can I help him. Try the formula . And then another important thing you can do... is not start smoking yourself.
Why do people think chewing tobacco is more "sick" than smoking? I'm sorry but I have difficulty being detached or objective about this ... I think chewing is the grossest. It is as gross as the sauercorn kid. People have trouble getting past seeing a mouth full of crap, and seeing the person behind the addiction. They spit, they have brown stains on the sides of their mouths, they spit, they're breath smells terrible, they are continually looking for a place to spit. I'm so sorry if you are addicted. Please reach out and get some help. I can't think of a single person whom I know who would tingle with anticipation when thinking about kissing someone with spit tobacco inside their mouth, even after they hawked it out.

Is chewing safer than smoking? NO NO NO NO NO. I heard a story last week about a 12 year old boy who had been using spit tobacco for 3 months and was diagnosed with mouth cancer. He had it removed and is going to live. But he's having trouble staying off the stuff. Even after what he's been through. This stuff is terribly addictive. And don't let anybody tell you that it isn't addictive or dangerous. They are lying.

What is a really good way to say NO to drugs? Find exciting things in life to say yes to. What makes you feel completely alive. What things in life do you absolutely love to do. Get into it. Invest yourself. Surround yourself with people who love to do the same kinds of things. Saying no gets exhausting after a while and it wears us down. Find stuff to say yes to and it will fill you with life.

Do you like wearing black? Yes it's very easy to color coordinate.
How many times a year do you do your shows and talk to kids about this kind of stuff? We do about 250 assemblies a year.
What does smoking marijuana do to your brain? Research brings us new information weekly. There is some cool information on the internet about how it affects the brain and we learn new things weekly.

If you could get rid of one drug in the world which one would it be and why. I wouldn't get rid of them what I'd like to see happen is for people to realize their full potential as human beings by not using them.

What color socks do you wear? I don't wear any socks... I just paint my feet black.

What drug does the most damage. Permit me to tell you a little story. My mom had 12 children and we used to play a game with her. We would sit around her and ask. "Mom, Who's your favorite daughter?" and my mom would look at you and say "The one I'm looking at right now."Then another sister would ask "Mom, Who's your favorite daughter?" and my mom would look at you and say "The one I'm looking at right now." And we would ask her over and over. It is a game we still play with her today. Now let me say this about your question regarding which drug does the most damage... "The one you're doing right now."

A student asked. "This kid bugs me, I want to hit him but don't want to get suspended."  Good thinking. Don't hit him. Find a way to handle this peacefully. If you need to bring in a third party like a teacher or a counselor to help you stay calm when you talk to this kid and ask them to lay off, then do it. Nothing is worth getting suspended over. Then you're the one who loses the battle.
MORE LIFE PLEASE

A student wanted to know. Would you ever do illegal drugs on a dare or for money? NOT A CHANCE.

Does your family support all your decisions in your life? I am very fortunate, my Mom and my Dad are very supportive and they always have been. They have encouraged all of us to be our best selves. My husband loves me and is very proud of me, he enjoys me as much as I do!! And I recommend that you surround yourself with people who love you as much as you do. This does not mean that they don't challenge me to look at the uncomfortable things, this does not mean that they don't call me on stuff... when I'm out of line.. they do challenge me. They're not "yes"people. They're loving supportive and honest. I discovered that these are things that I value in people and started to choose friends who were like this and to nurture this in all the relationships that I have with my family. Now when my family or loved ones disapprove of what I'm doing. I need to take a serious look at what I'm up to. I respect my loved ones' opinions. But I make the ultimate decisions in my life.

What's wrong with alcohol? I happen to believe that it is possible for adults to use alcohol responsibly. What's wrong with it is not the alcohol itself, it's the irresponsible use of it. It affects everything in a persons' life and the lives of the people they love. And if you don't believe me read the rest of this web page. It includes tons of questions from people whose lives are negatively affected by someone's alcohol use.

A student wrote.. Dear Aunt Myrtle, a couple of my friends get high like all the time should I talk to them? Yes, if you want to. Be loving and understanding. And make sure that you get help and support for yourself from your parents or another adult you trust. Remember when I talked about my husband, I love him very much and this meant that I had a problem too. When one person in a relationship is using both people are deeply affected.

What's the best skateboard company? Clueless no idea... But I think it's great if you're into skate boarding. Some of my nephews are into it. Along with stunt biking. Be careful though because there is a subculture that goes along with this that is part of the whole image that uses drugs. Be careful that this cool rebellious distinctive image doesn't defeat you... let it complete you not defeat you.

There is this guy that I like but I don't think he likes me what should I do? You could find a way to check it out and find out if he likes you in the same way. Or, you could approach him in terms of starting a hanging' out friendship type relationship and once you know each other better have a talk about it. That's what I did. And I wound up with a great friend for life in one case, and the other one .... I married.

How do I get people to quit teasing me? I'm so sorry that you are being mistreated. First of all believe this. You are not the sum total of what others choose to call you. When I was in 8th grade people called me a zero a loser; I was very poor and wore old clothes that were hand-me-downs and I was really put down a lot. I was not a zero then nor am I now. What I did was get involved in something that made me feel good about myself. I started doing some acting things. Some of the kids changed the way they treated me as a result of my liking myself better and simply exuding a sense of confidence, and some were still really horrible. You can't change other people, but you can work on how you feel about you. And you may need some help and support in order to do that Find a person whom you can relate to, and nurture a friendship. You can do this by getting involved in a club or activity at school that attracts people with similar interests to yours.

Now having said all this, if this teasing is making you feel depressed day after day, please talk to your mom or dad or a counselor at school or a teacher you trust. That's what we're here for.

How serious is crack and methamphetamines what are the affects on people. THIS STUFF IS PROBABLY THE MOST ADDICTIVE SUBSTANCE OUT THERE. IT CAN BE INSTANTANEOUSLY ADDICTING! A person can become dependent after one single use. The most addictive substances are the ones which are smoked. This has to do with something called lag time. The shorter the time it takes from introduction of substance to the body til it has its' psychoactive effect, the higher the risk of addiction. The fastest transmission, and therefore the shortest lag time is for substances which are smoked. Crack is smoked. The disorienting effects are intense and very short lived and the crash is equally as intense. People become extremely disoriented and violent. Paul and I lived in a neighborhood where a crack house opened behind us across the alley. We were burglarized twice and I was accosted 2 times when returning home late at night from work in the theater. The people who populate the crack culture frequently sacrifice morals, ethics and personal safety and concern for life itself to the ravages of this deadly substance. I've seen its' effects and suffered at the hands of people who use it.

A student wrote; "I can not get along with my brother (10 years old) and sister (8 years old). There is just something about them. I'm the oldest and I want to be the perfect sister." First of all, you're not weird because you don't get along with your younger brother and sister. That's really normal, it happens. And in most cases as they get older and you get older it will pass. Try to enjoy the isolated moments where you get along and try to be the best role model you can be for them and remain true to who you are at the same time. And remember nobody is perfect. It is impossible. If you don't permit yourself to be imperfect you'll miss a lot of life's lessons. Ask your parents for help. Make sure you're calm and have thought through what you want to say so it doesn't sound like you're just whining or complaining. And ask for their help and suggestions about what you can do as a family to make life more manageable for all of you. NEGOTIATE THE PEACE.

What do you think is the most important characteristic in a person? What a wonderful question. For me the most important characteristic is trustworthiness. And most of my friends are both trustworthy and compassionate.

A student wrote, "My uncle used to drink too much and he got put in Regional West. But he got better, but now I think he's still drinking."  Sometimes it takes several treatments for the alcoholic before they stay sober. This is sad but often true. Your Uncle may be drinking again. And I recommend that you talk to somebody in your family whom you trust about your concerns. And then, get some help and support for yourself. Many of us who love alcoholics need help and support to lead healthy lives ourselves and deal with our fears and concerns.

A student wrote. "I have a friend (my best) that is constantly lying to me. I've caught her lying so many times. We've been friends (close) for a few years. I don't understand why she feels like she needs to lie to me. how can I make her see that she doesn't have to lie to me, and that I like her for who she is? We're so close we claim to be sisters and people believe us. What can I do?" Find a quiet time and talk to her. Think through what you're going to say first. Don't be judgmental or accuse her of things, be straightforward about what you see her doing, and how it is affecting you. Let her know how much you love her. And be clear about what you would like to see happen with your relationship now. It might help even to write this out. When I have had really important conversations with loved ones I would sometimes make some notes to help me stay calm, or to help me stay honest. Ask her to let you talk uninterrupted until you've said all you have to say. And then listen closely to how she responds. Make sure you give her time to speak uninterrupted too. Then talk it over together and decide what to do.

A student asked, "Where did you learn to act?", and another asked, "Did you go to college for acting?" Yes. I went to the University of Wisconsin Madison. And I continue to study and take classes even now. I study voice weekly when I am in town with a private teacher. And I attend seminars and take master classes whenever possible. You're never done learning and growing. Life is a wonderful adventure and there is always more to learn about yourself and the world and what you love to do. I learned this from my Dad who every once in a while will audit a college course, or take up a hobby of interest. After he turned 65 he went out and completed the course work to get his pilot's license. You're never too old to keep learning.

Several people asked how to make loved ones or friends or family members stop smoking. First and foremost please understand that there are very few things on earth as addictive as smoking cigarettes. First thing to do is to understand that This is hard for them. There are uncomfortable withdrawal symptoms; headaches, irritability, nervousness and anxiety to name a few. It takes time for these withdrawal symptoms to pass. That is why so many people who are trying to quit use a nicotine patch. It is the absence of nicotine in their body that is causing the discomfort and irritability. Then try the formula. And again, the main thing you can do besides that is to refrain from ever starting to smoke yourself.

Also... please consider this... You can't make somebody do something they don't want to do. What you can do is tell them how you feel. You can use the formula. And then don't drive yourself crazy. If you are working harder on his quitting than he is, then it's becoming a very unhealthy battle. You need to back off and take care of yourself. It doesn't mean you don't love or care about your brother. It means that you understand the limits of what you can make another person do.

Many of you asked... How do you make someone who you really love stop doing drugs. And most of you are hoping you'll be able to stop your friends and not lose their friendship. That is so hard because you can't make anybody do something they really don't want to do. And, you put yourself at risk by hanging out with them when they are using. I recommend using the formula. And then you need to get help for yourself. It's hard to watch somebody you love indulge in dangerous choices. And we grow tired of standing by and watching. Use the formula and remember sometimes you will have to say it many many times. That's called the broken record syndrome.

Another similar comment and question was; " My and my best friend (well she used to be my best friend) both had good morals and goals in our lives. Now that she's moved, she smokes, uses drugs and shoplifts. How can I help her, if I even can."The formula is another great way to handle behaviors that you're concerned about. And you may need to use what we sometimes call the broken record syndrome. ... meaning.... you may need to talk to her more than once.
Is there anything besides your brother that motivates you to do these programs? Yes. Creative and artistic fulfillment. Freedom to work with my husband and be creative with him. And a feeling of being powerful and having control over my life.

Why do people think drinking is cool? I believe it has to do with creating an image for themselves that is; adult, and hip and all that. It is a false image... but it is seductive and it is pervasive in this country. Only you can choose if you want to believe in that myth or not.

How come people can't stop doing drugs? They can. But it is difficult. Especially with addictive drugs. Drugs which are addictive have withdrawal symptoms. That means when the body has not had the drug for a particular period of time (that period of time depends on a number of factors like; kind of drug, length of use, intensity of use, frequency of use etc.) it begins to react in ways that make the user very uncomfortable; physically, mentally or emotionally. And they seek relief from the symptoms by using the very drug that prompts the withdrawal. It's like a circle.

Advice about making friends. I'm going to give you the same advice my dad gave me. He said look around your whole class and just look at people. Watch how they behave and treat their friends, listen to what they say and pay attention to how the act on what they believe. Then you decide whom you would like to be friends with. And work on becoming a good friend.

How do you get to know somebody new? I asked my dad this question. What do I say, I asked. He told me don't worry about what you'll say about you. Ask them questions about themselves. They'll love to tell you about themselves and it makes people feel good when somebody cares enough about what they think and who they are to ask them questions.

Why is it illegal to do drugs for everyone even adults? Many of you asked why certain drugs like pot and crack are illegal. And you expressed a belief that some of these illegal drugs are not a big deal. Making drugs illegal is a reaction on the part of society to the fact that using drugs has negative consequences on the people who are using (as evidence read some of the questions on this huge webpage), and on their friends and families, and on society as a whole. My friend Ken is a detective on the police force in the community where I live. I asked him how many of the calls he has been sent out on are related to alcohol and other kinds of drugs. He said 99.999%. And the only reason he said he wouldn't say 100% was because maybe once in his 20 year career the call was not a result of use but he couldn't think of one right then.

When people get drunk and high on illegal substances it affects their ability to function and make healthy decisions. They can become violent, irrational, and dangerous. And because of the powerful addictive lure of the chemical, they will often do anything no matter how immoral or illegal to get it. That is why drugs are illegal.
Think about this. If drugs didn't have such horrible effects on people they wouldn't be illegal. There are lots of ways people achieve natural highs that don't have these negative consequences. I'd like the students to discuss what some of these activities might be.

There were several questions about drinking and responsible use. I believe there is such a thing as responsible drinking for adults over the age of 21. Because there are a great number of adults who are able to use this drug responsibly. Their bodies are finished developing so their addictive risk is decreased, and many have reached an emotional maturity which encourages them to be responsible in how they choose to use. This does not mean however, that every adult is able to use responsibly. Some studies indicate that one in ten Americans has a problem with this substance.

Prohibiting the use of this substance was tried during the 1920's the country overwhelmingly rebelled against this government action, it was called PROHIBITION. It failed, it was repealed, and purchase of alcohol in this country was once again legal.
I would like for you to talk about how you can tell that an adult is using responsibly.

How does sauerkraut/corn taste? Nasty. But so does scotch, and smoking pot will make a person cough sometimes until they puke. And yet people will persist with their use. I am always amazed, people will strip themselves of their dignity and make themselves sick in order to escape life and get high just like the kid in the corn scene.

How many people are in my family? These are the names of the kids in my family. Mary Maggie, Laurie, Debbie, Jo Ellen (Sometimes we call her Jo Jo) Pam, Mike Joe (sometimes we called him Joey) Julie/Eddie/Karen/Joan/Mom/Dad/Grandma in her wheelchair.

A student wrote, "I am haunted every day of my life by a chemical depression. I have very few people to talk to when i am upset. It is extremely hard for me to express my feelings. I don't know how to start. Can you help?"
I can completely understand, I was treated for depression and the first thing I want you to know is that life can get better. You can find ways to manage this. I was treated with antidepressants and talk therapy. It really helped. If you can get to see a counselor whom you're comfortable connecting to please do it. I finally realized that seeing a counselor didn't mean I was crazy, it meant I was sane. I also wrote, I scribbled in journals for years, from about the time I turned 18. It's not great writing but it helped me express myself and understand my feelings. I recommend the same for you. Find ways to express yourself and discover who you are that include introspection and human connection. And again remember... you can get through this, and you can be happy. I found this... and I wish the very same for you.

If a teenager starts smoking and does not quit how long will he live. There are so many factors involved in answering this question. Genetics, environment factors, general health overall. I would like you to consider not only how long will they live, but how is their smoking affecting the quality of their life today. I promise you it is affecting them. Lung capacity, stinky breath, aging in their faces, acne, colds last longer and coughs are more tenacious, bronchitis is always a risk, it affects athletic performance on the field, band members and chorus members experience reduced lung capacity, and singers voices are affected.. these are some of the immediate things I can think of.

A student wrote. "My mom doesn't trust me but I never did anything to her to lose that trust! What to do?"Understand first that you Mom loves you very much and is doing the very best that she can. She is probably worried about she wants to protect you. Now, knowing that, this is what I recommend. Wait til there is a time when she is not hurried, or stressed out. And ask her if you can talk. Stay calm. Explain how you're feeling. And let her know that you think this is related to the fact that you have somehow lost her trust. Ask her what you can do to regain that trust. It works so much better to negotiate than to irritate.

Why do girls act the way they do? I'm not sure what you're asking or what you mean. So I'll just say that females and males fully understanding one another as a lump or a group never has worked well. That's where stereotypes come from. In order to begin understanding another person you'll need to approach them as an individual rather than trying to get to know them as a group; ie. women, men, african americans, latinos, natives, anglos... see what I mean?

What's behind the black curtain in your shows? A fabulous dressing room complete with jacuzzi, bottled water, exercise equipment and a cut glass bowl brimming over with green M & M's.

"If I think that the way that some people die in the movies is funny, am I a psycho? (I Know it's fake)"  No of course not. Hollywood makes death slick, sexy and entertaining. I'm sure that the Middle School students in Jonesboro AR found death when viewed up close and personal quite a different thing from watching its' representation on tv and I'll bet if you saw the real thing you wouldn't think it was funny either. Even hardened cops will sometimes throw up and get light headed or sick at traffic accidents and murder scenes.

"How do you think all our problems can be solved?" A good start is by honesty and compassion.

Is it true that if you take 3 hits of acid in a row you are legally insane? Never heard that. I think it's nuts to try even one.
Do you feel stupid when you make funny expressions. No. I have always made faces and done voices and I just don't get embarrassed about that kind of thing. It's part of who I am, and I really like myself.

What city did you come from? I live in Minneapolis, MN but I was born in Madison, WI.  It was a city of about 38 thousand people when I was living there. It is a University town, and during the 60s and 70 there were drugs available because of the large student population. I met a lot of people who used drugs when I was in school. I never got into the heavy drug scene like Joe did.

How come you feel comfortable talking in front of people or kids you don't even know? I didn't always feel this way. I remember the first assembly presentation I did of this show. I was so scared I was behind the curtain praying to God to help me live through it. I was so frightened. But I really wanted to do this. I wasn't good at first either. I learned the more times I performed, and I became more and more confident, until here it is 6 years later, and I don't even feel a flutter of butterfly stomach. I love what I do. If there is something you would like to try but are frightened to attempt it, that's normal. I promise you if you try, even if you're not a 100% success, you will have learned something and will be stronger on your next attempt.

What do you think about your family. I think my family is one that has weathered many challenges. It is a family that has faced the truth about some very dangerous and difficult issues with courage and character. I love my brothers and sisters, and have deep respect and love for my mom and dad. I think we all did the best we could with the skills we had and we never give-up learning and growing together and as individuals. I'm proud of my family.

Why are only some people affected by drugs, like Joe, and others not? Is everybody who uses eventually hurt or made sick from drug use. I think the effects on some people are more obvious than the effects on others. For example, my husband is a recovering alcoholic. Yet most people who knew him when he was drinking heavily would never have guessed that he had a serious problem. And I believe that anybody who abuses alcohol and people who use drugs are all affected in some life depriving way. What i mean by this is that they're deprived of the ability and the desire to fully participate in the world around them.

A younger student mentioned that they're scared about bullies and drugs and cigarettes and wonder about what might be some ways to help them say NO. Here's an idea. Get involved in school activities where students don't use. Join the peer helpers group or sports, or something where other members stay clean. And I recommend hanging out with kids who don't use. It's much easier to say no, if you're not spending time with people who are constantly trying to convince you to do the wrong thing. And remember it's always a great idea to talk to an adult if you're having concerns about middle school. We understand that change can be stressful.

Well well well. A student asked a very insightful question ... Have you ever made a decision that you shouldn't have. What a wonderful question. Yes I have. Nobody in this world is perfect. Everybody makes mistakes. Here are a few suggestions about what to do when you have made a mistake
1) Admit it... to yourself and to anybody else who was affected
2) Forgive yourself and apologize to anybody who might have been hurt
3) Ask yourself what you could do differently next time
4) Move on with your life.
If you continually beat yourself up over mistakes you'll feel rotten all the time. Accept the responsibility, learn from the situation and move on.

An 8th grader asked... Will I run into a lot of peer pressure in high school. Probably. But peer pressure isn't other people trying to make you do stuff you know is wrong, it's really about you pressuring yourself to do something in order to belong. You just need to be decisive about what group you decide to belong to. And there are a bunch of different kinds of groups to hang out with in high school.
What's it like going from place to place speaking. It's an adventure. Because, even though 7th graders are 7th graders wherever you go. Each individual school is different. And each student is unique. I learn something everywhere I go and with every new person whom I am privileged to meet.
My friends want me to go to a party where high schoolers will be there and I know there will be alcohol what should I do? Have your own party. You've got to dig down deep and find the courage to reverse the press. I'll be there are other students who are equally worried about it but they're not saying it. Mr. Kidd said, have your own party... I couldn't agree more. Have everybody bring their favorite junk food. And watch videos and eat junk food and tell stupid jokes and Freddie Kruger stories.

How do you gain love and trust. What a great question. My dad once told me a great way to make friends is to ask them questions about themselves. That way I didn't have to worry about what I would be saying, I would ask others about themselves. Then I would listen to their answers and get to know them. So that's how you get to love others and trust them. Now about getting them to trust you. Mr. Kidd said a great thing about sharing your feelings with them and sharing your thoughts about life and stuff. And if they tell you something private, you keep it private and don't gossip about them. Good luck.

A student wrote: "My dad is a heavy drinker He hasn't had one day since I can remember without a beer. Me and my family have tried everything to get him to stop. What should I try next?" Talk to your school counselor, your mom, an aunt or uncle, a teacher ... any adult whom you trust... talk to your friends... and get some support for yourself . There are probably some groups at school that you could get involved in where you can start to talk about what you're feeling. We want our parents to be healthy and well and it's scary when they seem so out of control. Try to remember that alcohol is very addictive and quitting is hard, this doesn't make our parents bad, it just makes them human. And most important of all, don't ever blame yourself for your dad's drinking. And one final thing. Don't use alcohol yourself. Not until you're of legal age, and then, be very careful. People like you and I who have alcoholic parents are at risk of developing the disease of alcoholism ourselves. PLEASE TAKE CARE OF YOU FIRST!!!

Why do you do the play? Is it important? It sure is to me. One of the reasons I do it is this... If a young person decides to be clean and not use because of what I talked about or what happened to my brother, then I believe that his death has meaning. Even my Mom said that... And the other reasons that I do it include... Creative and artistic fulfillment. Freedom to work with my husband and be creative with him. And a feeling of being powerful and having control over my life.

What should I do if I live with someone who smokes and I can't do anything about it? The best choice you can make is not to take up smoking yourself. It is the most addictive legal substance in the world. And it is tough to break. The person in your house who smokes may not be able to quit right now. And you never have the power to make somebody do something they don't want to do. What you do have power over is whether you decide to start! Don't.

How did I get started doing this? I took it a step at a time. I wanted to write a play to honor my brother and make a difference. But I had never written one and my self confidence and self esteem about doing it was very low. But what I did was take a small step at a time. I started to read information about using drugs and alcohol. I interviewed young people and talked a lot with my nieces and nephews. Then I spent a summer writing stories and poems and coloring just like a 5 year old. And by the end of the summer I pulled out all my work looked it over and wrote a play. I became stronger and more confident as the years progressed. it's a great way to build self esteem. one step at a time.

Have you ever smoked? Yes. I quit and it was the hardest thing I ever did.

How can I improve my relationship with my brother? I'm not sure how to answer that because I don't know what the problem is. So I'll make the answer more general. Try to follow the golden rule, Do unto others as you would have them do unto you? . This basically means; don't bug him if you wouldn't want to be bugged, or, say Way to go when you're proud of him. And there may be some things about the relationship over which you have no control. You can do your part. But it takes 2 to make a relationship. You might try sitting down and letting him know you'd like to improve your friendship and ask him what that would involve for him.

Just because a person smokes or drinks does it make that person bad? No. Of course not, they're not bad. If they're of legal age there are many adults who can and do use alcohol responsibly. However, any individual who smokes is making a bad choice. And any underage person who drinks is also making a bad choice. It is difficult to hang out with people who are making bad choices and continue to stay clean ourselves. It is for this reason that parents sometimes encourage you not to hang out with people who are making bad choices.

What is pot made of? Pot is comprised of the leaves, stems and seeds from the marijuana plant. There is an active ingredient in the plant called THC. This ingredient when ingested causes disorientation. It is the plant's defense mechanism against predators. It causes disorientation and amplifies both emotions and physical sensations. It also messes up social skills, and causes a person to be forgetful. It strips people of motivation and drive. It affects lung capacity and ability to breathe and it is a carcinogen which means it can cause cancer.

What is the difference between anorexia and bulimia?
Anorexia and bulimia are similar in some ways and different in others. They are both eating disorders. And before the eating becomes disordered the person's thinking becomes mixed up. People who are anorexic and or bulimic usually suffer from low self esteem; they never think they look good enough and aren't happy with their physical appearance. Now that could apply to many of us. And this alone doesn't mean you have an eating disorder. It's when we start to make very extreme and sometimes dangerous eating choices that we develop eating disorders.

Anorexics severely limit how much food they eat. They eat small amounts and sometimes will even starve themselves to lose weight. Bulimics may eat normally or may binge which means eating a lot of food at one time. Then in order to eliminate the food quickly they will force themselves to vomit or take laxatives which will give them diarreah.

These behaviors are very dangerous. And if you are worried about yourself or a friend's eating behavior please find an adult whom you trust and talk to them.

Why do people blame everything on a person just because he used to act up when he was a kid, even though he has changed and doesn't do bad stuff anymore? Because you have to prove yourself. And people who got into trouble in the past have a steeper uphill climb to get people to change their opinions. It's rotten but it's the way the world works. So I recommend that you find some cool extracurricular activities to get involved in. This will show the teachers and your parents that your approach to life is changing. Work hard at school and stay out of trouble. What I'm talking about is changing your image. You get to do that whenever you want. And be patient because it takes a while to change people's minds.

My parents think I'm too old to spend the night at my friends or go somewhere out of town with my friends to just have fun. Do they want me to be dumb or what? No they want you to be safe. I would recommend talking about it with them. Approach them in the spirit of learning more. Don't wait until there is a party which you want to attend. Do it before then. Let them know that you'd like to have their help in understanding why they're making the choices that they're making. LISTEN TO THEM. BE CALM, DON'T ARGUE DON'T INTERRUPT. They will be impressed with your mature behavior. Then you obey them. Even if you don't like it, please remember they're doing this because they think it's best for you and they love you.. not because they want you to look dumb.

How can you prevent drug abuse? Never use drugs yourself.

What choices did Mikey make that were good & bad? Mikey chose to get involved in sports. He hung out with my sister Pammie and her friends, they were making some cool positive choices about being involved and having chemical free fun.
He hung out with me for a while, he came to theatre practices with me and got involved in running the lights for some theatre productions. He graduated from high school. He worked hard at a job that helped him become the wonderful manager he is today. He married a kind, funny, smart woman named Candy. And they have 2 children. The bad choices he made are not for me to judge. If he were here I would ask him to share them with you.

What is your favorite food? Pizza

What is your favorite book? My favorite children's book is Sneetches by Dr. Suess  My favorite scary book is THE STAND by Stephen King My favorite classic book is Giants in the Earth by Rolvaag.

What is your favorite movie?  My favorite classic is It's a Wonderful Life...My favorite modern day movies are Fried Green Tomatoes & Strangers in Good Company

What is your lucky number? 2

Why do my friends get to go everywhere and I never get to go anywhere. I know that it's not something bad that we'll be doing. Because some parents are more comfortable with less restrictions than other parents. It doesn't necessarily have to do with you, but more to do with what your parents are comfortable with. Please keep in mind they're doing the best job they can, and they're placing restrictions because they love you. Try talking to them about how you feel when you're not angry and when you're not asking to go somewhere. Just make it a conversation with them about life and freedom and responsibility. Ask them how you can prove yourself to be more responsible so they can trust you with a little more freedom. THEN LISTEN TO THEM AND OBEY THEM. Even if it's not the answer is not what you want. Fussing at them will not prove that you're ready for more responsibility. Perhaps obeying them and finding opportunities to prove yourself will.

I live with my mom and stepfather. I want to live with my dad but my mom won't let me. What should I do? You must obey your mom. And then enjoy every moment that you have with your dad.


What is the thing that you miss most about your brother Joey. I wonder what he could have done and been.

Where did your brother Joey get the money for all his drugs? I asked Mike this question a while back, because I had no idea. He never held a job. Where did it come from I wondered too. Mike told me he stole it and he dealt drugs himself.

Did my mom and dad try to stop Joey from using drugs? Yes. And, did they know he was doing drugs? They finally figured out that was going on, and by then he was pretty heavily into the stuff. It is very hard when someone is addicted and doesn't want to stop. And, when a person inside a family is using drugs, it's important to get help for the whole family. We didn't know this back then. we just thought that Joe was the problem, sometimes there's a problem inside the family that needs help too.

Did Mike ever do drugs with Joe. Yes he did for a short while. He was trying to protect Joe during high school so he started hanging around Joey and his friends. Mike said it was hard being around people who use drugs and not do them yourself. Mikey said it felt like being sucked up into a tornado. He didn't mean to start he was just trying to help Joe. He got out after losing all his friends and almost flunking out of high school. He escaped from them (the drugs) is how he described it.

Is Mikey ok? Yes he feels sad and sometimes guilty, even though he knows it's not his fault. But he is doing great now, he's a dad and has 2 children. And he's moving to Texas to manage a Target Distribution Center. He is kind and funny and and a good Daddy.

Do I miss Joey. Yes. How long did it take me to get over him dying? It's a process, and it takes time. I hope if someone you love has died you permit yourself as much time as it takes... it takes as long as it takes. But remember your grieving won't last forever, it will pass.
How did my family react to Joe on drugs. Everybody reacted differently. Some ignored it, some protected him, some attacked him, some loved him and some hated him. When a family member uses drugs the whole family starts behaving in unhealthy ways. The whole family needs help not just the person who is using drugs.

Did my family know that Joe was taking drugs at this early age. What were some of the signs. We really didn't have the information about danger signals that we do now. So we were pretty clueless. And by the time we figured it out he was in full blown addiction. It happens so quickly to young people. So trying to stop him was very hard. My parents did the best job that they could. But there weren't the resources that we have now.
Some signals include things like:
Irritability, mood swings, dark circles under the eyes, changing friends, hanging out with people who use or deal, depression, sleeplessness, denial, grades drop, skipping school... what are some of the ones you can think of. Also.. a great place to get information on this is at the counseling office. Just ask, they've got tons of information on this and they are dying to give it away!!!

What got Joe started doing drugs and smoking in the first place? I think he was looking for friends and the ones he hooked up with used. He made poor choices for friends. I think he was putting an image together for himself that was rebellious and decided that doing drugs was a part of completing his image. And I think he was depressed. This helped him escape from his life. I recommend finding healthy escapes and then dealing with the problem when you can.

How old was I when my brother died. 23

How old was Joe when he died. 18 years and 2 weeks. They unplugged him from life support when he was about 18 years and 5 weeks.
What effect did the death of you brother have on your family. Each of us reacted differently. And there were a whole bunch of conflicting emotions. Rage, relief, numbness, happy, depression, guilt, hysterically laughing and making jokes, lonely, sleepless, sleepy all the time, confusion... you name it between all of us we experienced it. If someone you love has died you may be experiencing conflicting emotions too. It helps to talk about it or write about it or find ways to express your feelings.

How did Mike cope with Joe. He made friends who were very supportive. He got involved in extracurricular stuff; sports and theatre. He got some help from a counselor. He has a great sense of humor... so sometimes laughing helps out just like whistling when you pass a graveyard. And after graduation from high school he went on to the community college and committed himself to having a future which included family friends and a rewarding job, not drugs.

What was depressing Joe? I believe that there is a problem in my family with chemical depression. Many of my sisters and brothers and i have discovered that we needed help it this condition. It has to do with brain chemistry. Oddly, everything in your life can be fine but because of how your brain in functioning the chemically depressed person feels sad anyway. The good news is that there are RX drugs which can help that condition. Not drugs that falsely cover up or change your mood, but drugs that help your brain by stimulating more effective nerve impulse transmission. It's complicated and they're still trying to figure out why and how some of these drugs work. It's normal to have a sad day once in a while, we all do. But it's not normal to have a sad life. Joe was having a sad life, I believe because his brain chemistry was impaired.

Did Joe ever ask you to do drugs? No, He was 5 years younger than me. Normally people don't feel peer pressure from people who are younger than them during their formative years. Joe started doing drugs when he was 12, and I was 17.

What other drugs did your brother use. Joe used alcohol, speed, methamphetamines, cocaine, and lsd.

Was Mike pressured to do drugs by Joe. No, but he used because he started to hang out with Joe and his friends. He was trying to protect his brother and he found himself using. He escaped from that group and made some changes in his life his senior year and got straight.

Did you feel guilty when your brother Joe died? If so how did you let go of it? YES. I felt like I should have been able to do something. ItS normal when we love somebody who does alcohol and other kinds of drugs to feel overly responsible. It helped to talk to my dad about it. he helped me to understand that we did the best we could, and the ultimate choice was Joe's.

Do you regret not wanting to stay with your brother when he was dying. How long did it take for you to get over the fact that your brother was dead or have you yet. I felt guilty for a long time about not wanting to be with my brother. So I talked to my Dad about it. It is a really great idea to talk to an adult you trust when you are having confusing or complicated feelings. My Dad said that it was normal to feel that way, and explained that he felt that way at times himself. He helped me understand that just because If I felt that way did not mean that i didn't love my brother. He explained that I could feel love and hate at the same time, especially because drugs and alcohol were involved. And regarding healing... time heals everything.

When did you realize that Joe was on drugs? How did you find out. He attempted suicide and the Doctor told us that he had been smoking pot and drinking with a group of other boys in the neighborhood.

If your brother's brain had turned to mush, and he was suffering so much, why did you keep him alive for so long? Great question. The state of Wisconsin did not have a legal definition for brain death, and my brother became a test case. While the lawyers argued over the legal guidelines and the court considered their arguments we had to keep my brother's body alive and hooked up to life support even though he was really dead.

Do I have the same mental illness as my brother. No

Was your brother always mentally handicapped, or not? NOT. The drugs messed him up.

Was the death of your brother the inspiration for the show and another question resolved around were there other inspirations? Yes to both. I wanted to honor my brother and I enjoy being able to do that for him. And I love to perform. And I like being my own boss. I get to fulfill all these dreams. Now let me say something here. People told me repeatedly that this couldn't be done. I didn't listen to them I did what my Dad told me to do instead, I listened to my heart. My heart was saying I could do it and that I should do it. If you've got something like that beating in your heart, pay attention to it. it will fill you with life and teach you who you area.

Why do you laugh when you talk about your brother. Another question was Why do you joke when you talk about your brother? Great questions. I do cry sometimes when I talk about him. And I laugh sometimes as a way to handle the sadness. I know it causes some people to feel uncomfortable. I call it Whistling in the dark when I'm scared or angry I'll sometimes make a joke or find something to smile about, to take the edge off the uncomfortable feeling. It's a coping mechanism. Life can be rough sometimes. And for some of us laughter helps. I hope you find some ways to make your life manageable and fulfilling too.

At what age did Joe start doing drugs? What age did Joey get addicted?  He was about 10 years old when he started. He was about 12 years old when he was physically addicted. When people use at an early age the addiction happens very quickly. It can take as little as 6-8 weeks.

What was Joey's life like before he did drugs. He was very funny and smart. He was a Packer fan, he loved to draw and he was smart at science.

How did Joey become addicted to drugs. And another student asked, Was your brother doing drugs for the fun of it or did he have some sentimental reason? No he wasn't doing drugs for sentimental reasons or to take a sentimental journey (insert music here) I believe he started for a number of reasons. (see other questions in this tome) Then, his body got used to having the drugs. And in order to achieve the feeling of numbness he was looking for he needed more and more of them. Then he started to feel abnormal when he didn't have them, and he would experience withdrawal. That's what it means to become addicted.

Where did Joe get the drugs? From dealers in the neighborhood and school. Who did he use with. There were a group of kids in his school who used. They were called the Graters because they sat on the hot air grates outside school in the winter so they wouldn't freeze, that was where they smoked weed. None of these boys went on to do anything meaningful with their lives.

Why did your brother decide to take drugs. Is there any reason why he would have did it out of anger or something. Yeah. Maybe because he wasn't getting the attention that he wanted. But I think the anger and hatred was really directed mostly at himself from the inside. And he thought alcohol would fix things, but it only made it worse. He hangout with boys who thought it was cool. And the vicious cycle of addiction was begun. Joe got addicted to drugs by using them when he was very young and by using them to escape from his life. He was very depressed. If you are feeling depressed or very angry, find somebody you trust and talk to them.

How did you feel talking about your brother. Sad, nostalgic, playful, concerned, warm, lonely an grateful. Grateful because I'm not sure if I would be here today if Joe hadn't taught by his example some of the really dangerous aspects of alcohol and other kinds of drugs.

How do you deal with explaining about your brother. I talk about my feelings with my husband. And I take really good care of myself. I eat right and I try to take care of my body and my spirit.

Did Mike and Joe get along well in the beginning. They got along well til the day Joe died. Mike would hop in his bike at least once a week and ride out to the mental hospital and visit his twin brother. He loved him very much.

Did Joey ever tell you what life meant to him? What a great question. No I can't say that he did. I think I'll call Mikey and ask him if there's an answer to that. I would encourage all of you to spend some time thinking about what it is that life means to you. Figure out what it is that gives it a deeper meaning. It's different for different people.

How did I handle it when my brother died. It is really hard when somebody you love is dying. You feel all sorts of emotions. And it can be very confusing. That is why it is so very important to find somebody whom you trust to talk to about it. Like a parent or a grandparent, or a friend, or teacher or counselor or... somebody.

How did Mike feel when Joe died? Terrible.

How did my family react to Joe on drugs. Everybody reacted differently. Some ignored it, some protected him, some attacked him, some loved him and some hated him. When a family member uses drugs the whole family starts behaving in unhealthy ways. The whole family needs help not just the person who is using drugs.

Does Mike ever go and work with you on your speeches and plays for kids. No, but he has helped me by telling me things he wants young people to know about him and Joey.

How did you feel about going to that place where Joey was  It was creepy. I was scared and angry. Scared because there was so much I didn't understand and angry for the same reason. Angry at Joe and angry at that place.

Did Joey sleep a lot in that place. Great question. I don't know. I do know he was on pretty heavy medication. So that had to knock him out sometimes.

Did my Mom and Dad, or anybody in the family try to stop Joe from doing drugs. Yeah. But we were pretty foolish about how to help. We didn't know back then the things that we know now. They did the best that they could. But Joe was addicted and determined to use.

Do you think this play is like the one your brother thought of in his head? Not in a million years. The things in my brothers' head were terrifying, unreal distorted visions of a reality I hope none of you ever see.

How long was your brother in the mental institution. About a year.